The Attenborough Design Group (ADG) is a fictional organisation charged with investigating the use of animal behaviours to defend emerging technologies. I am proposing an alternative history in which the ADG developed a number of products exploring the needs of various new technologies as they emerged during the late twentieth century. These products include the Gesundheit Radio, which sneezes periodically to expel potentially damaging dust; Floppy Legs – the portable floppy disk drive that stands up if it detects liquid nearby; and the AntiTouch Lamp, which sways away if you get too close to its halogen bulb.